Tuesday, January 17, 2012

whiny post is whiny

I can't eat. I want to eat. I'm starving. But everything hurts and burns and I feel like I'm going to die just swallowing some water. Solid foods hurt. Liquids hurt. Thinking about eating hurts. No wonder cancer patients lose weight; this is insane. 

I apparently have some sort of irritation deep in my esophagus (right between my fake tits, if we're being specific) (insert your deep throat jokes here; i dare you.) and everything that goes past it burns like a motherfucking ring of fire.  I called the oncologist and she recommended Prilosec, Zantac, and Maalox, then Tums if I need them.  I'm using all those things and still not really able to eat much.  Today I managed one pancake, a tiny bowl of carrot soup, a large sweet tea, and a cup of cold coffee. Anything else I tried stopped after one bite or sip.  Tonight I got some of the "magic mouthwash" that I think is supposed to numb your mouth and throat.  We'll see if that helps at all.

Other symptoms/issues I had this week were a burning sensation in my mouth for a day or two (I woke up with a taste like I'd smoked a cigar the night before. I haven't done that since my 21st birthday...for that very disgusting reason!) I also had an upset stomach for several days - sometimes of the 'omg run so you don't shit the street' variety.  Good times. All these things are pretty common side effects, but the throat thing is the worst of it to me.

Then yesterday I fell down the stairs in my house.  God, that was painful.  I slipped right off the stair, just like I did in London, only this time without the luxury of falling on my thigh. I'm probably lucky I didn't break a vertebrae. My chiropractor was not. pleased. with me when I got adjusted today - she said it was like my back had been in a car wreck. I could have done without that physical trauma.

And so that I'm not being a complete Bitchy McWhinyPants, there's good news too. I went back to work today!  I learned new things and got some stuff done! I have a new office mate and she's so awesome. She appreciates the view of the fraternity lawn and wants to put lewd pictures on the back of our office door. I'm 100% in support of this and I have some things to contribute. There may be a certain NSFW calendar back there soon.  Just sayin.


  1. I hope you're feeling better soon and that the magic mouthwash does the trick. Love to you!

  2. Whine, you deserve to whine. I do hope the magic mouthwash works.... My sister got ulcers in her mouth and throat... not fun

  3. Hi honey- sending you healing throat mojo- I can't imagine how awful that would feel. Usually if you're sick or have a sore throat, you don't feel like eating anyway, but to be *hungry* and have eating be physically agonizing sounds like maybe one of the worst things ever. I'm so relieved you went to see the chiro after your fall- your body has better things to do than try to recover from breaks or sprains.
    Love you much.

  4. If you're able to get the numbing mouthwash, I have to suggest Nectar brand protein shake powder. They're the best tasting, and offer up about 100 calories (for one full scoop) and about 23 gm of protein. Even if you're able to nurse this, you're getting a good boost of protein for your intake.

    Thinking good thoughts for you.